i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
