The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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