There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm like, not good at living.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
