Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
