Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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