i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
