Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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