My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
