I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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