dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
