bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
