You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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