you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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