i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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