and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
