I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
