Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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