is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
