I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
