I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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