I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize