Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
