thus making me awesome and them whores
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
