I think scott just propositioned me for sex
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
