don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
