I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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