My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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