Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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