he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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