Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
