The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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