4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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