i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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