That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
