Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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