he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
