and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
