So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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