they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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