just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
