I wanna bring you to show and tell
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
