If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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