4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
