Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
