We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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