my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
