Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
