I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
