Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
