Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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