Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
