i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you are never too drunk for berry picking
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
