You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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