At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
