i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
