Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
