Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
