That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
