I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
