ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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