make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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