He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
