When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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