And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
