I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
